When We Call Afro & Textured Hair “Unmanageable”, What Are We Actually Saying?
Afro and textured hair is often described as “unmanageable”, “difficult”, “too thick” or “hard to deal with”. But those words don't actually tell us what is happening with the hair.
They are conclusions.
And once we reach a conclusion too quickly, we can stop asking the questions that might actually help us understand the hair.
This came up during my Hair Confidence & Identity masterclass when we were looking at the difference between judgement and observation.
“Unmanageable just closes the investigation.”
And I think that's an important conversation for anyone caring for Afro or textured hair, whether that's your own hair, your child's hair, a client's hair or somebody you support.
What does “unmanageable hair” actually mean?
If someone tells me their hair is unmanageable, as a hair professional and educator, I don't want to stop there.
I want to know what is actually happening.
Is the hair tangling?
When does it become difficult to manage?
How long is the routine taking?
What happens during detangling?
What technique is being used?
Is the hair breaking?
Is it shrinking and being mistaken for a lack of growth?
What is the hair actually doing?
Those questions give us information. “Unmanageable” doesn't.
Watch: From Judgement to Observation
Watch the teaching extract:
This teaching extract comes from my Hair Confidence & Identity masterclass and explores why the language we use about Afro and textured hair matters.
When judgement starts influencing hair decisions
The language we use can have practical consequences.
Someone may be told: “Your hair is too thick.” “Your hair is difficult.” “Just relax it.”
But chemically relaxing the hair is not something that should be pushed onto somebody simply because their natural texture has been labelled difficult to manage.
A person should be able to make an informed choice about what they want to do with their hair.
That starts with understanding what is happening rather than assuming the natural hair itself is the problem.
This is particularly important when we're working with children and young people. The language they repeatedly hear about their hair can become part of how they understand it.
Observation gives us somewhere to go
There is a big difference between saying: “This hair is unmanageable.” and saying: “This hair is tangling significantly during detangling. Let's work out why.”
The first statement gives us a label. The second gives us something to investigate.
Perhaps we need to look at the condition of the hair.
Perhaps we need to look at the technique being used.
Perhaps the routine isn't supporting what this particular head of hair needs.
Perhaps we're seeing breakage.
Perhaps we're seeing shrinkage.
Perhaps several things are happening at once.
This is why I teach assessment before assumption.
We need information before we decide what the hair needs.
“My hair never grows” is another example
This is another phrase I hear.
But hair growth, length retention, breakage and shrinkage are not the same thing.
Someone may feel that their hair “never grows” when the question we actually need to investigate is whether the hair is growing but the length isn't being retained.
Or whether shrinkage is affecting how that growth appears.
Again, changing the question changes what we can investigate.
Instead of: “Why won't my hair grow?” we might begin with: “What is happening to the hair between one stage of the routine and the next?”
That takes us away from frustration and towards information.
Afro and textured hair doesn't need more judgement
It needs understanding.
That doesn't mean every routine needs to be complicated or that there is one “correct” way to wear Afro or textured hair.
Straightened hair, natural hair, wigs, weaves, braids, locs and other styling choices can all be personal choices.
What matters is that we're making those decisions with better information and without starting from the belief that Afro or textured hair is inherently a problem that needs fixing.
For me, that's where hair confidence begins.
Not with pretending that hair is always easy.
But with becoming curious about why something is happening and learning how to work with the hair in front of us.
Start with a better question
So the next time you hear yourself saying: “My hair is unmanageable.” or: “Their hair is too difficult.” stop for a moment.
Ask: What is the hair actually doing?
That question gives us somewhere to go.
Understand the hair. Make better decisions.
Continue learning with The Afro Curly Hair Coach
If you'd like to understand Afro and textured hair beyond curl type, product trends and guesswork, explore more education from The Afro Curly Hair Coach.
Watch the Hair Confidence & Identity teaching series on YouTube and explore our training, masterclasses and Crown Clarity Collective at https://www.theafrocurlyhaircoach.com/
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